Monday, November 22, 2010

Facebook Banning Pastor and the Oyster Parable

Pastor Cedric Miller of the 1,100-member Living Word Christian Fellowship Church in New Jersey submitted an ultimatum last week to 50 church leaders telling them to close their Facebook accounts or resign.  Miller claims that Facebook has led to marital problems in his congregation, and therefore it should be avoided.  Shortly after, it was exposed to the media that the reverend and his wife participated in three way and four way sex with a church assistant and his wife.  The incident happened several years ago, and Miller claims to regret it. 

Once again, evangelical mathematics just don't add up.  Facebook = road to infidelity, while group sex with the congregation = the pastor is fit to advise everyone on marriage. 

This reminds me of an experience from my teenage years living on the Eastern Shore of Maryland.  I will share this memory with you in the form of a parable, so that you may be enlightened:

And Ballwell said unto them, "There was a great Oyster Fry in the town, and I was present, helping with the shucking of oysters.  Mine skill was dull, but I managed to gather many oysters from their shells.  Suddenly, a younger boy with false esteem approached and proclaimed mine technique to be sorry.  He grabbed the oyster and blade from mine hands.  With the grace of an oxen with leprocy on his loins and boils on his eyes, he began to cut at the shell.  His blade strayed from the shell, and he pierced his hand, yet he did not stop.  'Thou hast pierced thine hand,' I said, and the boy did not heed.  Again, the boy pierced his hand with the blade, yet did nothing.  'Hark, thou hast pierced thine hand again,' I said to him.  A third time, the boy again pierced his hand with the blade.  I cried, 'Lo, there is great amounts of blood flowing from thine hand.  Set down the blade, and cast your pride aside, lest you destroy yourself with your ignorance.'  And the boy wept."

Obviously this parable means that you should be careful who you get advice from.

Cedric "The Multi-Tasking Entertainer" (a little threesome joke) has since claimed that he'll happily step down, should his church see him unfit.  He held a 2 hour sermon on Sunday, in which there was much rejoicing and praising of the lord.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks to Pete in China for the suggestion. That's right, I said China! Cram and Ballwell have a long reach.