Cheney the original Nigerian E-mail Scammer!

The biggest unapologetic asshole in the world will soon be charged with bribery by the Nigerian government.

The corporate and government secrets site "WikiDrips" has revealed that Cheney is actually the original Nigerian E-mail scammer! Here's the leaked bribe attempt:

Dear Mr. Clement Okon,

First, I must solicit your strictest confidence in this transaction request, as you are a man of G0d. I am the CEO of Halliburton, a the biggest and most important corporation in the whole world, as I'm certain that you are aware. Good man, we are literally seconds taking over the entire free western world, and as you are a man of "faith" and "knowledge" with big, clean hands that can both build and take apart (as has been proven), we require your assistance in what is surely YHWH's plan. The following requires your full attention, just as Moses required of the populace when he read the Ten Amendments.

As you are a man of great "wisdom" you already know that my lesbian daughter (I ask, humbly, as a forgiving man of Christ, to look beyond that painful fact that nags at me like a burning bowel) is trapped in your country, being held ransom by the Smokers. I do not need to tell you who the Smokers are, as you not a man who would be so foolish as to ignore the warnings of Waterworld. These Smokers do not wish us to build our natural gas plant because they believe, stupidly, the fire of their cigarettes would cause them to explode. As our files indicate you already agree that "science" is nothing but rubbish to entertain bird-like men with small hands while they make unimpressive "Business" in the "toilet." So then you certainly agreed long ago that the Smokers' claims are preposterous.

In order to commence this business, we solicit your assistance to enable us to transfer into your account the $6,180,000,000 required to secure her release and build the plant. You will be able to keep 3% of these funds following the transaction. Please send us the name of your bank and your checking account number as soon as possible so that we can accomplish this before YHWH strikes us down for not following His plan. This transaction is 100% safe and guaranteed by the full faith and credit of Jesus Christ himself, of whom you are already aware is a member of our board. (Leviticus 6:23)

In Christ I service you,
Richard "Dick" Cheney, A Man of God (A.H.B.P.)